28 years separate these two photos. When I made the poppy picture in southern Turkey on a hot summer's day in 1998 I had just started using B&W film and printing in a primitive darkroom. This is on my 4th roll of B&W film ever and one of the first prints I was happy with. I gave that 18x24cm print to my mom, which she had framed, and it hangs in her kitchen to this day. Whenever I visit my parents I look at the picture and think that I've done a decent job. That print was on graded Ilfospeed RC paper, now sadly discontinued (I still think Ilfospeed is the best RC paper that Ilford have produced. It had beautiful tonality. Somehow the multigrade version doesn't have the separation of greys that Ilfospeed used to deliver). I remember that I developed my very first roll of B&W film in Ilford PQ Universal and the negs turned out very grainy. By the time I'd finished this 4th roll I must've learned my lesson and switched to another developer (most likely ID-11...haven't written it down), because these Ilford Delta 400 negatives are quite decent.
Recently I was going through my contact sheet archive and when I saw the poppy I had the urge to print it again; this time on a paper I’m growing to like a lot, the matte version of fiber based Ilford Multigrade. I made every effort to get it right, especially pulling in some tone into the top right corner. The picture here is a scan from this new print.
In the same session I also printed a picture from one of my very last rolls of B&W film onto the same paper. This time I had Ilford HP5 in my camera. The location is Düsseldorf. I had never seen a car parked in that spot before, and when I saw the silver Mercedes my shutter finger started to twitch! A minute later the owner appeared and pulled out the car.
Looking at the prints side by side the following day, I fell into a revery. I began reflecting on all that had happened in between these two pictures: how much the world had changed; how much my life had changed. But I also wondered whether or how much I had changed as a person. In particular, a question most of us photographers ask at one point: have I become a better photographer? It's a difficult one. Try transporting yourself to your mindset of 28 years ago, and then try to compare that with your mind today. Is that even possible?
There are several obvious changes. Compared with my early days, I print with less chiaroscuro, with more greys. I shoot less, much less, but with more deliberation. I'm not even sure that's a good thing. What else? I have seen a LOT of photography in those 28 years. But how did that inform my own photography? I produced zines with a few friends over the course of 6 years. That was the best thing I have done. We had so many long conversations, and just a fantastic good time together. I guess that that must have had a positive effect on my photography. Yet, it’s impossible to prove. Anything else? Well, I’ve been blogging - I’d rather call it journalling - for more than a decade, which has given me plenty of opportunity for reflection. It has also led to friendships that I’m grateful about.
Indeed, a lot has happened and changed in the last 28 years. But whether I’ve become a better photographer, that’s a tough one. I fear in this regard I might be the same old naive me.
Interestingly, I made both these photos with a black Nikon FM2. So at least one thing has remained constant!
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